Saturday, July 18, 2015

Confession of an Insecure Man - How to Fight Insecurity and Win

Insecurity Confession: I am an insecure man. Just writing that makes my insides tremble because of what you and others might think of me. One thing is for sure; I am sick and tired of allowing my deep seeded insecurities keeping me from living, pursuing, and realizing my dreams.

In this post I will share where I think some of my insecurities come from, how they have impacted my life, and some strategies to fight and win the battle over my struggle with insecurity.

How in the world did I become so insecure?

My story isn't much different than many. I was 5 years old when my Dad left home. I don't remember much, but I do know that it was the event that shattered any sense of security. I remember going to first grade and making myself sick so my mom would have to come get me. I was afraid that my mom would leave me too. I didn't understand why or what happened. There was absolutely no way for me to process the pain of what had happened. Like most kids I probably thought something was wrong with me, or that I had done something wrong.

With age, my insecurities matured and morphed. I was anxious and afraid of nearly everything. I became a pleaser to be accepted and worthy of being liked and loved. I was a class clown and the life of the party. Even with all of my efforts I never felt like that I was good enough or good for much of anything.

I began to believe what I thought about myself, and then began to live it out as a teenager. Drugs, alcohol, pornography, failure, and shame only created a deeper and undeniable wound that only exacerbated and deepened my struggles and insecurities further.

As a young adult, the fear of failure would take a paralyzing grip on my life. This only continued enforcing the belief that I was not good enough and wouldn't succeed at much of anything.
To this day, I have dreams in my heart that I have not pursued because I have believed the lies. I'm. 49 years old and it's far past time for me to grow up. It's time for change.

How has insecurity impacted my life?
That is a deep question. So, the simple answer is that has impacted every area of my life. It caused me to aim small and shoot small so any failure would be survivable. I sought safety, approval, and acceptance above all. Fear of disappointing others and failing have been and still are the greatest insecurities I struggle with today.

How can I win the battle?
I have to honestly accept and love who God created me to be, imperfections and all.
I have to face my fears and refuse to allow them to keep me paralyzed with people pleasing.I have to come to the place that the greater failure would be not stepping out and pursuing the dreams planted inside me. I would rather step out and fail miserably than go to my grave never attempting to do anything. That would be failure. Starting this blog is a first step. There is more to come.

If you can relate, or have a story to tell, I'd love for you to share it. I hope to inspire your inner voice and encourage you to take your next steps to fight insecurity and win. Remember, you are not alone. You don't have to fight alone either.